A Little Piece of Myself

Lately, I haven't been getting out of the house a lot. Well, if you count going to places via the car, then yeah. I've been out of the house a lot. What I mean is that, for the past few months, I haven't been out in the fresh air for more than five minutes. And those five minutes consist of getting out of my car and getting right back in.

I realized how sick I was of always being indoors yesterday. It was a day off from school, since the juniors and sophomores were taking the PSAT. I was writing a college essay (what else?) and suddenly, I felt like I hit a writer's block. I had nothing. Everything I wrote came out bland and stupid--as if someone else was writing it. I hated the feeling because the words on the screen didn't feel like mine.

Usually, when I hit writer's block, I go on the internet and surf for a while. I watch some YouTube videos, some episodes of my favorite TV shows, and go back to work. This time, however, I felt a sudden revulsion towards my computer. Like, I despised it.

I couldn't be near it for another second. In fact, I couldn't be in my room, the second floor, my house, for another second. All I knew was that I needed to get the hell away from that computer. So, before I thought too much about it, I donned my light jacket and shoes and left my house to take a short walk.

A short walk turned into a long walk. A walk that lasted for about an hour. I wandered around Cherry Hills, my earbuds playing soft music. It was odd--being outside when I haven't been in a long time. And as I walked, among yellow and orange leaves that fell around me, I found inspiration for my essay. And so much more.

I started thinking about my life. Started thinking about me. Started thinking about my character, my personality, my wants, and my goals. How far I've come and how far I'll go. It was the in-depth, gritty self-reflection that I was lacking throughout my entire college essay process. I can't tell you how it felt when I returned to my house, face slightly flushed from the brisk wind. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like I discovered a little hidden piece of myself.

Other senior students in Non-Fiction Writing have mentioned this in their blog. How hard it is to find yourself. And I totally agree with them. It's difficult, even painful, to look deep inside yourself and understand what you see. Because we pass most of our lives doing mundane things. Going to school, doing our homework, studying for tests. Sometimes, we're so busy that we forget to self-reflect.

And self-reflection is important. When you reflect on your past, present, and future, I think you discover things about yourself that perhaps weren't so obvious before. Things that were on your outer perspective that you've never noticed before. It's what separates us from each other. It's what makes each of us unique.

I don't know if the process of self-reflection is the same for everyone. I achieved a bit of myself by taking a simple walk in a nice, windy day. But it's definitely necessary. So, I challenge you, the reader, to get up from your computers and phones, and go find a little piece of yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Growing Up

Growing up is difficult. Yeah, I know how cliche that sounds. So many people mourn the fact that they are growing up. They feel like leaving childhood means losing out on the innocence and purity that marks that stage in their life. Now, they argue, their lives are no longer full of playdates and games but workdays and interviews. Yet at the same time, children yearn to grow up. They want to gain the "privileges" of being an adult. When I was a kid, I remember craving those privileges. Going to bed at two o'clock in the morning, not listening to my parents, living however I want to. I remember how excited I was to grow up--to be free like my parents.

Both of these views vary because of age. Children want to grow up because they hate the confines of being a kid and adults love childhood because they hate the confines of being an adult. So really, is there ever a solution? I will say that as a high school senior, growing up does make things more complicated. My friends and I occasionally lament the fact that we are growing up. These days, we worry constantly about colleges, parents' expectations, exams, and papers. We worry about our grades, our GPA, and test scores. We stress over our SAT scores and bond over having scores that don't match our expectations. How messed up is that?

These days, with college on the horizon and multiple personal essays to write, I am constantly forced to confront myself. I am forced to know myself, even when I don't feel any inspiration. It's hard to dig deep and find something new about yourself that you didn't know before. I sometimes find myself banging my head against my desk, vainly hoping that sooner or later, something will come up. All this stress and work definitely makes me think of childhood and how lucky it felt to be a kid.

But there is something I realized. I realized that this hard time will pass and before I know it, it'll be the summer before college. Even though childhood is a beautiful time that should be cherished and enjoyed, I've gained so much more growing up. I've gotten taller, nicer, smarter, and wiser. I've learned so much about the world and the people in it. Soon, I will embark on the next leg of my journey where I am certain to meet new, fascinating people who will drastically change the way I see the world. And I honestly can't wait.



~~Inspired by Macklemore's "Growing Up" ft. Ed Sheeran~~