The Final Product

Besides reading and hanging out with friends, another hobby of mine is playing the piano. I remember the awe I felt when I first touched the keys of a piano. I think I was about five years old at the time. We had friends over that day and I remember sitting on the way-too-high piano bench in our family living room and banging the keys to my heart's content. It felt freeing and relaxing.

These days, piano still remains one of the places where I can tune out the world and just play my emotions out. I began taking piano lessons when I was six years old and haven't stopped since then. So, I've been playing for about ten years. I'm nowhere near a maestro yet I simply enjoy playing.

There's something exciting about beginning a new piece. For example, I remembered when I began Debussy's "Claire de Lune" a few weeks ago. I had heard so much about this piece--I've listened to it on the computer, seen others play it, etc--but I had never played it before. It's a beautiful yet rather difficult piece (I encourage anyone who is unfamiliar with it to listen to it). So, when my piano teacher suggested the piece as my next assignment, I was very overjoyed.

The first week, I practiced "Claire de Lune" and not without struggle. It was difficult trying to understand what the composer intended. I kept forgetting to emphasize certain notes. I put my pedal down at the wrong places and often blurred notes. While I am used to messing up in practice, I messed up a lot more when I practiced "Claire de Lune". It was so difficult sometimes that I ignored it and practiced other pieces. Yet, by the end of the fifth week, I could play it smoothly from beginning to end. And now I understand what the composer wants--I can grasp the abstract feeling of the piece. At the same time, I also add in my own personal signature so that the piece becomes my own unique version of "Claire de Lune". This final product, this understanding of the piece, is the main reason why I practice.

In college, I won't have that much time to practice piano. I'll be busy with different things. I'll be making new friends and exploring new interests. Yet, when I do have the time, I think I'll sit down at my piano and play the pieces I remember. For old times' sake.

Asian Dramas (Well, Mostly Korean Dramas)

People do different things to alleviate stress. We do activities and seek outlets to get our mind off whatever is stressing us out. One of my friends goes running at five in the morning as her escape. Another turns to drawing and sketching. I often journal and write stories as my own escape. But lately I've been using another medium to get my mind off stress from college applications.

Lately (three months ago), I've gotten into watching Asian dramas. Especially Korean dramas. It began in Stanford, California, when my roommate introduced me to the Korean drama The Heirs. I loved it. I wanted to try more. Pretty soon, I was watching other Korean dramas such as She Was Pretty, Kill Me, Heal Me, Healer, and much more. I began watching Chinese dramas, too, like Empress of China, Prince of Lan Ling, etc.

I love Asian dramas, K-dramas in particular. They're very different from American shows. For one, they're bubblier, happier. There can be dark parts but in the end, characters usually get a happy ending.

Also, each K-drama is about one season long; unlike American shows, they never go past one season. While this may seem awful, I now realize that by being one season long, K-dramas remain fresh and interesting in the minds of viewers long after they've finished watching. It also helps that Korean actors and actresses are very easy on the eyes :)

K-dramas get my mind off the stress and uncertainty that is so common during the college process, much like writing does. But while I love watching them and seeing my favorite characters getting a happy ending, I have to be careful not to lose myself in them. It's so easy to plop down on the couch, sink into a fantasy world, and forget my own.

Still, if anyone reading this likes watching TV shows, they should definitely check out Asian dramas (especially K-dramas)!


Here are a few Asian dramas I recommend:
Chinese-Prince of Lan Ling 
Chinese-Empress of China 
Korean-She Was Pretty
Korean-Kill Me, Heal Me
Korean-Healer
Korean-Let's Fight, Ghost 
Korean-Descendants of the Sun 
Korean-K2 (currently watching this!)

A Little Piece of Myself

Lately, I haven't been getting out of the house a lot. Well, if you count going to places via the car, then yeah. I've been out of the house a lot. What I mean is that, for the past few months, I haven't been out in the fresh air for more than five minutes. And those five minutes consist of getting out of my car and getting right back in.

I realized how sick I was of always being indoors yesterday. It was a day off from school, since the juniors and sophomores were taking the PSAT. I was writing a college essay (what else?) and suddenly, I felt like I hit a writer's block. I had nothing. Everything I wrote came out bland and stupid--as if someone else was writing it. I hated the feeling because the words on the screen didn't feel like mine.

Usually, when I hit writer's block, I go on the internet and surf for a while. I watch some YouTube videos, some episodes of my favorite TV shows, and go back to work. This time, however, I felt a sudden revulsion towards my computer. Like, I despised it.

I couldn't be near it for another second. In fact, I couldn't be in my room, the second floor, my house, for another second. All I knew was that I needed to get the hell away from that computer. So, before I thought too much about it, I donned my light jacket and shoes and left my house to take a short walk.

A short walk turned into a long walk. A walk that lasted for about an hour. I wandered around Cherry Hills, my earbuds playing soft music. It was odd--being outside when I haven't been in a long time. And as I walked, among yellow and orange leaves that fell around me, I found inspiration for my essay. And so much more.

I started thinking about my life. Started thinking about me. Started thinking about my character, my personality, my wants, and my goals. How far I've come and how far I'll go. It was the in-depth, gritty self-reflection that I was lacking throughout my entire college essay process. I can't tell you how it felt when I returned to my house, face slightly flushed from the brisk wind. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like I discovered a little hidden piece of myself.

Other senior students in Non-Fiction Writing have mentioned this in their blog. How hard it is to find yourself. And I totally agree with them. It's difficult, even painful, to look deep inside yourself and understand what you see. Because we pass most of our lives doing mundane things. Going to school, doing our homework, studying for tests. Sometimes, we're so busy that we forget to self-reflect.

And self-reflection is important. When you reflect on your past, present, and future, I think you discover things about yourself that perhaps weren't so obvious before. Things that were on your outer perspective that you've never noticed before. It's what separates us from each other. It's what makes each of us unique.

I don't know if the process of self-reflection is the same for everyone. I achieved a bit of myself by taking a simple walk in a nice, windy day. But it's definitely necessary. So, I challenge you, the reader, to get up from your computers and phones, and go find a little piece of yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

Growing Up

Growing up is difficult. Yeah, I know how cliche that sounds. So many people mourn the fact that they are growing up. They feel like leaving childhood means losing out on the innocence and purity that marks that stage in their life. Now, they argue, their lives are no longer full of playdates and games but workdays and interviews. Yet at the same time, children yearn to grow up. They want to gain the "privileges" of being an adult. When I was a kid, I remember craving those privileges. Going to bed at two o'clock in the morning, not listening to my parents, living however I want to. I remember how excited I was to grow up--to be free like my parents.

Both of these views vary because of age. Children want to grow up because they hate the confines of being a kid and adults love childhood because they hate the confines of being an adult. So really, is there ever a solution? I will say that as a high school senior, growing up does make things more complicated. My friends and I occasionally lament the fact that we are growing up. These days, we worry constantly about colleges, parents' expectations, exams, and papers. We worry about our grades, our GPA, and test scores. We stress over our SAT scores and bond over having scores that don't match our expectations. How messed up is that?

These days, with college on the horizon and multiple personal essays to write, I am constantly forced to confront myself. I am forced to know myself, even when I don't feel any inspiration. It's hard to dig deep and find something new about yourself that you didn't know before. I sometimes find myself banging my head against my desk, vainly hoping that sooner or later, something will come up. All this stress and work definitely makes me think of childhood and how lucky it felt to be a kid.

But there is something I realized. I realized that this hard time will pass and before I know it, it'll be the summer before college. Even though childhood is a beautiful time that should be cherished and enjoyed, I've gained so much more growing up. I've gotten taller, nicer, smarter, and wiser. I've learned so much about the world and the people in it. Soon, I will embark on the next leg of my journey where I am certain to meet new, fascinating people who will drastically change the way I see the world. And I honestly can't wait.



~~Inspired by Macklemore's "Growing Up" ft. Ed Sheeran~~

Brangelina No More

You may or may not have heard the shocking news featured on every tabloid and celebrity paper recently but Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt broke up. Something about how they didn't feel compatible anymore--according to one source, Brad's treatment of their children wasn't up to Angelina's expectations. This bewildered the entire world because so many people (including myself) saw Angelina and Brad--Brangelina--as the power couple. They were the couple in Hollywood that everyone swore would be married up to the day they died. I'm sure people thought that they would be holding hands the moment they drew their last breath--together.

When I heard the news about their impending divorce from one of my friends a few days ago, I was, of course, stunned. I don't follow Hollywood events very often but even I knew about the great romance of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. As the day went on, more and more people found out. When my friend Ally learned of the news, I remember how her wide eyes filled with surprise. No one could believe it. It caught us all off guard and for some reason, saddened us.

But why is that? Have you ever wondered why a break up halfway across the country should make us sad? Why do our hearts break when we hear this news and why do we feel slightly disappointed as if the couple has let us down? Why should it matter so much that two people we don't even know are leaving each other?

It got me thinking that ordinary citizens, like you and me, invest so much of ourselves into the lives of celebrities, people we don't know. We see them as perfect stars, something we can never really measure up to. We memorize useless and small facts about them, absentmindedly gathering facts about their lives, habits, and family members. We marvel at what they do--their charity, their generosity--and scramble to know everything about them. They become our role models, our heroes.

What we forget is that they are human. Celebrities are not infallible--they are just like us. They may be prettier, nicer, wiser, or more talented but they are nevertheless human. We, the ordinary citizens, are the ones who make them to be more than they are. By giving them attention and fame, we require celebrities to be paragons of our best beliefs. And in doing so, we forget that they are human. And that humans make mistakes. This forgotten fact is the reason for the constant pouring over tabloid articles and the dismay in our gut when we realize that our favorite couple was not as in love as we thought.

What Brangelina's break up did was crack the belief of celebrities' perfection. It showed us that things may not always be how they look and that it is easy for us to believe in the facade. So is it better to believe in the facade of a happy marriage or the truth? I guess it goes back to the old adage "Ignorance is bliss".

I don't know.

Not Simply Paper and Ink

For those of you who know me, you know that one of my biggest passions (now and for the rest of my life) is books. I think the first time I opened a book was the first time I felt true joy. Believe it or not, I didn't start avidly reading until second grade. I'd like people to believe that I've always loved reading and that I am a born natural at it, but that would be a lie. 

In fact, I originally hated reading. I much preferred movies to books. To me as a child, books were a waste of space--why would you want to read something when you could watch it on the big screen? To feel the action and be completely immersed in the movie characters? Movies did all the work for you but books required you to do half the work: it required you to imagine. If you couldn't imagine, all you were left staring at is bound pieces of paper with black ink on them. For some reason, I just couldn't get into books--they bored me as soon as I flipped them open and every time I forced myself to read a novel, I would be gazing raptly at the TV within five minutes of opening the book. 

For my fifth birthday, my aunt bought me a children's novel about cats. You may have heard of Erin Hunter's series Warriors. It's basically about a bunch of talking wild cats that live in the forest. Yeah, that sounds dumb but to children? That's pure genius. Anyways, when I received the book, I tossed it in the nearest corner because like come on, it's a book. 

It wasn't until a year later that I, lazing around in my room and bored out of my mind, picked up the book and decided to give it a shot. I didn't plan on getting past the first page. In fact, I thought I would quit after the first paragraph. 

But something strange happened. I felt like was pulled into a completely different world, a world where I was with the main character. I could feel what they felt, I could see what they saw, and I could do what they could do. I ended up finishing up that novel within three hours and hungry for more, requested the rest of the series from the local library. 

Something was awakened in me. I wanted to read everything after that first book in the Warriors series--everything. Books were no longer simply paper and ink. No, those pages were alive with action, adventure, and romance. My imagination was alive. I wanted to launch myself between alternate universes and live the lives of very different characters. I wanted to experience what they felt, do what they did. But perhaps what I craved the most was the epiphanies that really good books gave me. For example, after I read The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown (a book about the Washington college boys who went to the 1936 Olympics), I felt enlightened and wiser. Going through the journey of how the boys got together in the beginning, their individual lives and habits, their goals and wishes, their victorious win at Berlin, and finally, their passing into the next world, made me feel like I got somewhere. Like I somehow took in the life lessons they learned as the book progressed. 

I still love reading. It will forever be an escape and a solace when I'm feeling down or upset. Of course, anything in excess is not good for you and that probably pertains to reading, too. (So maybe reading three full-length novels in one day is not good). But it's comforting to know that I will always have something to run to for the rest of my life. 

Reflections (Ramblings) About My Time at Uni

Once more, it's another year at Uni. For the past two weeks, I've been walking around in a foggy daze. I do my homework, talk with my friends, and go to my classes, but things feel a bit off. My years at Uni have gone by so slowly, yet...when I turn and look back, my time here is like a bullet train passing by. There for a mere second, gone the next. It's so surreal that it's my last year at Uni and that at this time next year, I'll be starting a brand new chapter in my life. Honestly, I thought I would never leave this place.

Unlike some of my classmates, I haven't spent all five years at Uni. In the beginning of my freshman year, my father declared that we were moving to Hong Kong for a one year sabbatical. Slightly stunned and nervous, my mom and I packed our bags and we left America for Hong Kong. When I came back from HK, I was a changed person. In many ways, I was worldlier and more experienced. I knew, from my time out there, that there was a bigger world outside of Champaign-Urbana, waiting to be discovered. So many different places to travel to, so many different cultures to explore. HK, this bustling, crowded city, was very different from Champaign, Illinois. I think what HK gave me was some breathing space, a way to step back and look at things from a unique angle. 

When I came back for sophomore year, I was extremely nervous. First of all, I wasn't sure how many classes I had to make up or if I was even going to be part of the class of 2017. In some ways, HK had become home to me right when I was about to leave it and leaving my new home made me feel sick in the stomach. I didn't have to worry, though. Sophomore year was surprisingly easy for me and even though I missed my friends in HK, I knew that I had adjusted better than most. 

I don't think I grew much in sophomore year. Well, I grew two inches but mentally and emotionally? Not much. I had to take a few classes with the current juniors but it was pretty great. I met some people that I probably wouldn't be as close to today if I hadn't taken classes with them. Anyways, it wasn't until junior year that college hit me in the face with a reality check. 

I was as calm as the eye of the storm on the outside but like many juniors when faced with the impending arrival of college, I was freaking the hell out on the inside. Junior year was an emotional wringer, mostly because I knew I had big responsibilities coming up but I had no idea how to prepare for those responsibilities. I dreaded college because even though it marked a new chapter in my life, it also meant the end of another one. So what did I do? What I do best: I worried. A lot. I worried about what career I wanted, what major I wanted, what college I wanted, and more. Senior friends told me not to worry because I still had time but that didn't do me any good.

I'm still worrying. I continue to worry and be anxious for my major, my future, my life. I continue to also dread college. But I'm also learning. I'm learning to be patient and to wait and see. I'm also learning to relax and to enjoy this year because it's my last one here at Uni. Sometimes, I'm bewildered when someone calls me a senior. In many ways, I don't think I've grown emotionally and mentally since I stepped into Uni as a subbie. I'm still loud, a bit immature, and a master worrier. But I've gained experience and knowledge about the world and about myself in these past years. And I know that when the time comes, I'll embrace college with open arms. 

Welcome!

Hi, everyone!

Welcome! My name is Serena and this blog has been created for the Non-Fiction Writing class in my school. In the near future, I'll be writing my thoughts and experiences on here. Enjoy!!

-Serena