Reflections (Ramblings) About My Time at Uni

Once more, it's another year at Uni. For the past two weeks, I've been walking around in a foggy daze. I do my homework, talk with my friends, and go to my classes, but things feel a bit off. My years at Uni have gone by so slowly, yet...when I turn and look back, my time here is like a bullet train passing by. There for a mere second, gone the next. It's so surreal that it's my last year at Uni and that at this time next year, I'll be starting a brand new chapter in my life. Honestly, I thought I would never leave this place.

Unlike some of my classmates, I haven't spent all five years at Uni. In the beginning of my freshman year, my father declared that we were moving to Hong Kong for a one year sabbatical. Slightly stunned and nervous, my mom and I packed our bags and we left America for Hong Kong. When I came back from HK, I was a changed person. In many ways, I was worldlier and more experienced. I knew, from my time out there, that there was a bigger world outside of Champaign-Urbana, waiting to be discovered. So many different places to travel to, so many different cultures to explore. HK, this bustling, crowded city, was very different from Champaign, Illinois. I think what HK gave me was some breathing space, a way to step back and look at things from a unique angle. 

When I came back for sophomore year, I was extremely nervous. First of all, I wasn't sure how many classes I had to make up or if I was even going to be part of the class of 2017. In some ways, HK had become home to me right when I was about to leave it and leaving my new home made me feel sick in the stomach. I didn't have to worry, though. Sophomore year was surprisingly easy for me and even though I missed my friends in HK, I knew that I had adjusted better than most. 

I don't think I grew much in sophomore year. Well, I grew two inches but mentally and emotionally? Not much. I had to take a few classes with the current juniors but it was pretty great. I met some people that I probably wouldn't be as close to today if I hadn't taken classes with them. Anyways, it wasn't until junior year that college hit me in the face with a reality check. 

I was as calm as the eye of the storm on the outside but like many juniors when faced with the impending arrival of college, I was freaking the hell out on the inside. Junior year was an emotional wringer, mostly because I knew I had big responsibilities coming up but I had no idea how to prepare for those responsibilities. I dreaded college because even though it marked a new chapter in my life, it also meant the end of another one. So what did I do? What I do best: I worried. A lot. I worried about what career I wanted, what major I wanted, what college I wanted, and more. Senior friends told me not to worry because I still had time but that didn't do me any good.

I'm still worrying. I continue to worry and be anxious for my major, my future, my life. I continue to also dread college. But I'm also learning. I'm learning to be patient and to wait and see. I'm also learning to relax and to enjoy this year because it's my last one here at Uni. Sometimes, I'm bewildered when someone calls me a senior. In many ways, I don't think I've grown emotionally and mentally since I stepped into Uni as a subbie. I'm still loud, a bit immature, and a master worrier. But I've gained experience and knowledge about the world and about myself in these past years. And I know that when the time comes, I'll embrace college with open arms.